Overthink; Overthought

The last time I remember not thinking was, honestly, never. I had to have something grinding up in there. I was trapped, longing for the moment where I would have absolutely nothing to think about. Thinking was my strength and also was my fatal weakness.

That tinge of drama. I never cease to extrapolate every fatal thing in life. It’s what keeps me alive..ironically.

I woke up that morning worrying if I’d be late for work. Strangely enough, I never cared that much to actually wake up on time for that matter. Why would I cut my dreams short? Especially, if that was the only escape I had from reality.

It was a quick jump from the bed to the shower. “Should I wait for the water to heat up? Oh, I don’t have time for that. I should wake up a little early to switch the heater on. And then, maybe I can doze off for a while. What if I sleep in more? What if the heater short circuits? What if I forget to take a towel in? Did I lock the bathroom door? I could be murdered any minute now, you know”

“I don’t have time for breakfast. I don’t even have anything to eat even if I wanted to. Maybe I could buy something on the way? Oh, but what if that weird guy is there behind the counter today? I guess I’ll pass. I’ll make it up during lunch.”

I quickly shot out of the house and began to walk towards the train station.

“I wonder if my boss is awake. It’s only 8:30. She has two children who are in elementary school. Why, of course, she’ll be awake. Goodness, what if she calls me and I still haven’t reached the office. I hope Meera reaches there on time. What if she doesn’t? I wonder if Meera is even awake. I should call her.”

Meera didn’t pick up.

“She went on that date last night! She should be more responsible! That unreasonable excuse for a couch potato. Damn! I could eat some potatoes now. Did I switch the stove off? *GASP* Did I switch the heater off? Did I lock the door? Great..I’m going to come home to an empty house. Good Bye to my stationery collection.”

The ticket line was horribly long. It reached till the entrance of the station.

“That does it. I’m definitely gonna be late. Maybe I should text my boss. What if it ticks her off? But still, I’m never too late. She doesn’t have a clue that I’m always a little tardy. Should I text my boss? Good Lord, how long is this man going to take to buy his ticket. He’s holding up the goddamn line. Really?! Out of all these days, you choose today and now to pay for a season’s ticket? What is this woman trying to do? Can’t she see the millions of sweaty human beings standing in line?! Oh good, that man stopped her. Bless you, kind sir.”

Fifteen minutes I had my ticket and boarded the train just in time. “Looks like I’m not going to be that late after all."

“Wait, this isn’t the ladies’ compartment. Great! There better be some good looking men in here. I can only have so many expectations. Stupid idiot of a female! Oh holy mother of Durga, what have we here? Tall, Slim..and oh look, glasses! Ask and ye shall receive! Can God hear me?”

I fixated on the beautiful human I’d just spotted. Evidently, he turned. I was standing on the other end of the center corridor. He made his way and leaned on the hold opposite to me.

“There is a God! Look at him! Did he see me? Does my hair look okay? I should look out the door in a mysterious way. Did he catch me staring at him earlier? If only Meera could see him right now! She’d ditch her boyfriend in a second. Would this guy think Meera’s pretty? I wonder if he thinks I’m pretty. He came to my side for a reason. He must think I’m good looking. *sigh* Look at that t-shirt! I’m a disappointment to my parents. What if he’s my future husband!? OMG. Could it be? I’m the one, you hot swad of cologne. Can’t you see? Am I wearing deodorant? Did I forget again? Can he smell my stench? I should buy that perfume I saw in the store the other day! Wait, how much cash do I have in my bank account? Wait..Did I bring my purse? I bought the ticket, idiot! Of course, I have my purse.”

I stretched my hand into my tote bag feeling around for the familiar texture of leather. “It was there. Good. Wait a minute, I’m supposed to get off at Mylapore. Where am I?”. I looked out the train door. A sign with the letters “Mylapore” printed slowly whizzed past my gaze.

“I missed my stop. Thanks a lot, you mould of undeserved attraction. You made me miss my stop.”

I proceeded to the exit and the sudden movement shifted his gaze on me. “Now, he looks at me!”

I took out my phone.

“Ma’am, I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be a little late to work today. I apologize for this inconvenience. I’ll make sure it won’t happen again”

“You insufferable idiot”