Closets

This morning when you wake up, I want you to think of me. Absorb yourself into a dreamland where only I exist. Is that too much to ask from you?

Maybe I’m not exactly your type. In fact, I know for sure that you and I don’t have a place together in your world. You’re too normal; too straight. I’m afraid of what I feel for you. It’s damn near painful. I envy the girls that get a chance to be with you that way. You’ve always seen me as a friend. You confide in me with your deepest darkest secrets and yet, not for a minute, do you realize the thirst I have yearning for a little more.I put on a façade every day, in the fear that I’ll lose what I have of you. Perhaps, it’s better this way. I’ll wallow in this pit forever hoping that someday, “we” would be possible.

Do you know how difficult it is to always be available to you? Are you aware of how much I really care for you? No, I can’t quite open myself up to you just yet. It’s not easy. Trust me, if I did, I know for a fact that things would never be the way they were. It’s imperative that I live as your shoulder to lean on; only as that shoulder and nothing more.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever wrong. What are the chances that you’d be okay with the way I felt about you? All this high school drama of endless and pointless popularity making us segregate into piles of human waste (too much?). But, honestly? Would you still treat me the same if you knew my true self? Will our sandbox memories prevail over hairspray and flirty skirts?

Maybe, I should stop listening to Taylor Swift. You always thought my taste in music was rather funny. But, that was my secret you promised to keep.I don’t know when I’ll confess to you. All I can say is that it won’t happen anytime soon. Some things are just better left unsaid.Until then I’ll wait to see you between classes. Maybe today we’ll play some football during lunch, or better yet, maybe we’ll do some biking after school. It’ll be like the old days, two boys against the world.